Wasted hearts, waking blinks, willful fans, and being sorry...love is a drug...the castle is gonna' rise..."
"My heart is wasted and cut up like a drug..." Hot damn, I love Meg Myers. This is a line from her new song, 'Sorry'. If you haven't heard it, google it now. To say this is a reflection of our own faces, of my own face, wouldn't convey what kind of truth that actually is in this moment. I mean, take a look at me...really look at me. I'm one of the most private people you will ever get to know and yet, I am an open book. I am the writer, the goofy nerd, the best friend, the worst addiction, the listener, the laugher, the girl who knows how to love hard and then say she's sorry for....for just blinking. Seems right enough- I'm so guilty. The difference between me and you, I take my moments and write all about them. No real difference there, not wih him, or her...or you, or me...
My life, like yours, has been full of seconds I call 'waking blinks'. Sometimes, one blink is all it takes. Think I'm wrong, just try it-
Then watch your whole world sum up in that one second. Just a sigh, just a breath, just a moment that can change everything. Sometimes we lose, sometimes we gain. It all depends on what we're pausing to blink for doesn't it?
I have had two offers now for Sandcastle Soldier and though this is something I don't share much, I'm sharing now. This book has been a hell of a torment for me. Uncountable waking blinks have marred its conception and its soon to be birth. With this one...I'm on, I'm off...I'm there...and then I'm gone again. Reflection...cause I'm a hell of a story to hold on to and my writing lately shows that.
Three times now I have almost hit delete. I'm not an erotic thriller kinda' author. My family, my editor, and the closest people to me have all shared their opinions. And yes Lynn Bowles, I know how you feel about this one, but...something happened this weekend. I was walking across the parking lot in my town, when I noticed two girls standing to the back of my vehicle. I have an ellemoon.com sticker on the window, nothing like free publicity in a profession that cashes in on your ass every which way you turn. I saw them taking selfies with the rear end of my suv. It was a waking blink to say the least. I waited till' they were done before slowly walking on to leave. I am very backwards and wouldn't have known what to say to them. Something happened though...something changed. (A few minutes later I snapped a picture myself of a possible felon that I posted and had to delete, but that's a whole other story on a whole other level.)
Anyway, I saw those two girls and when I paused, I just...blinked. And the moment came with a sigh of acceptance and realization. For the first time I saw I am who I am, and I am many things. I wrote SS and it's a book that I've thought for a bit of time now, would change everything for me. Only I realized this weekend, that everything already is changing. Just like that. Just in a blink...Elle Moon became real. I really am her, and she really is me...and I'm not sorry for one damn word we've written. Sometimes life is the hard turn on. Some stories beat the hell outta' ya' and demand to be heard.
Maybe we all are a little of everything. Maybe we all change in one waking blink. Either way, I'm moving ahead with who I am- the writer who isn't going to say sorry bout' it. The castle will rise, no matter what it changes for me. September. You won't want to blink on this one, though wide eyes never close anyway.
Happy reads everybody and if you have to be sorry for love, then be thankful. That kind of love is seldom found and every epic story teller has written about it. In the words of Meg Myers, "our skin is dangerous- feelings when we touch, no matter what we're feelin'...never feels enough."
To feeling it all! Now......blink. <3 always, Elle Moon